It's Just Abbey

About a year ago I decided to rock the blogging world and change it forever.

Whoops.

Anyway! Since I haven’t been revolutionizing the blog-o-sphere I have had some spare time on my hands. I’ve been training up for the spring and summer running racing season. It’s been awesome.

Okay, no it hasn’t. It has sucked hard. I can’t run more than 300 feet without finding yet another wonderful neighbor who refuses to shovel their sidewalks. I brave bounding in the snow only a few times but my constant fear of breaking my legs and being eaten by a stray dog keeps me harnessed to the gym. Treadmills, stationary bikes, weight machines, and elliptical machines.

Oh good God elliptical machines. Who invented these things?! It’s like some guy sat down and said, “Gee, I like running, bikes AND being stationary! What of what can I do to combine all these AWESOME things!” And then we were blessed with Satan’s death machines. I hate them and I would laugh as someone burned a pile of them, blew up the ashes and vacuumed up the remains. Side note: If anyone plans on doing this, I am free all weekend.

The last few weeks I have been putting the elliptical machines into my routine. A girl needs a firm booty, yes? Yes. Besides that, I work 12 hour shifts and running afterwards makes my knees crumble. Biking and elliptical(ling?) helps me keep my joints from crying. I can bike and run all day but as soon as I get on those death machines I just die. My face pours sweat and I am drained of all energy. Getting through 30 minutes alone is AGONY. I can’t read like I can on the bikes and the treadmills are at least close enough to the TV to provide entertainment. But on Elliptical Days it is just me and the machine, fighting in the corner.

And can I also get someone to get onto the adjacent machine that is from this planet? Seriously. I am either next to the inhuman, muscle jock who grunts for 6 minutes and then leaves. OR I get Missy McShortshorts who works her legs into a frenzy and doesn’t even break a fucking sweat! What is up with that? Work up a sweat damnit! At least feign exhaustion. I can’t be that out of shape! …can I?

No, this particular blog doesn’t have a point. I just needed to rant. Today I realized that the machines at my gym turn off at 30 minutes of 300 calories, whichever comes first. Today I made it to the ladder first and had to begrudgingly start the timer again for the last grueling 5 minutes. Gah! I want the summer to roll around so I can just run outside and not have to worry about being social in a climate controlled room.