It's Just Abbey

So last night my littlest sister graduated from preschool. They had the world’s most adorable ceremony that just tugged at the heart.

It was one of those things I sat through looking like someone’s mom. Little babies everywhere and my biological clock was screaming, “HEY! HEY YOU! If you were in a Bronte novel you would be the old maid who no one likes because she is passed her prime!” I hate it when that happens because then I start flipping out and debating just stealing a child.

I mean, the pros of having a baby. There is only one actually: I get to get fat. Cheetos and pickles for me I’m eating junk for two!

Cons of having a baby: I’ll drop it. I’ll feed it to a dragon by mistake. I’ll leave it in Wal Mart in the frozen food section, someone will think it’s a pot pie and buy it. Ug! So many things can go wrong! I have kept Patrick alive and he is bearing beautiful strawberry babies. So far so good. Let’s work on that shall we? Growing a person takes a whole different mindset and I can’t just keep that on the porch all day while I am at work… Legally.

During the little ceremony they all announced what they wanted to be when they grew up. What did my little sister say? What did my small, spritely kindred who looks terrifyingly like my daughter say? She wants to be a mommy.

Hello. You have a collect call. It is from… “HEY! IT’S YOUR UTERUS! BABIES ARE AWESOME!” Do you accept? Uh, yeah. No. Click!

So what is this all getting at? Well it has come up the topic about getting a dog. WHAT? You read that right. A dog.

Now, this is all just talk. Nothing serious. Yet. Why? Because getting a dog is huge step. Think about it. You have a kid, what do you do with it? For the first year it is just a ball of flesh that just cries a lot. Just don’t smack it on the top of the head, right? Yeah. They don’t get too weird until they start walking and sticking their fingers in electric sockets. Puppies are insane from day one. They just wanna pee all over and putting a diaper on them just angers them.

Do you have to walk babies? No. Dogs need walked.

Do babies need neutered and dewormed? Not right away.

Do babies kill squirrels in your back yard? Only if trained properly.

So we have been talking about the logistics and with our recent schedule changes, it might be possible. So what have I been doing?

Googling puppy pictures!

If it were up to me and I wasn’t super concerned about puppy farms (like the concerned citizen I am) what kind of dog would I get? This one!

I would name him Jeffery. Or I would get this dog!

And name him Frank. And also get him a little tux.

But that isn’t reality. We will likely adopt an adult dog. Save one from animal rescue. So I have been cruising local animal shelters looking for doggies to save.

Let me tell you I have confused my biological clock something serious. I want to adopt them all! Every single one of them. The puppies to the seniors. Healthy and sickly. I want to get a house in the country and let them just run and be free! If you read any of the little stories you would want one too!

Hi. My name is Boots. My owners loved me for 4 years then just woke up one day and said, “Whelp! You suck!” They kicked me out and found a new doggy. I am really shy and I just want to be loved but no one can get passed my weak leg I got after saving a blind girl in a fire. Please take me home or they are going to put me down. Tomorrow. HURRY!

I know the point is to get you to want to take them home but damn. Harsh.

It’s actually kind of important to me that we rescue a dog. Hoppie’s mom helps rescue dogs and over the Christmas season we helped take care of a GIANT dog named Moe. That dog smelled, was dependent, and could not sleep through the night. I loved that dog. She was awesome. As dogs go, by the end of it we started calling her Mobert. She had a questionable history that just made her big eyes and whimper hard to handle. You just wanted to hug her all the time. If we get a dog I want to rescue it. I want to save a dog that was forgotten by his owners or treated poorly. Public service announcement: If you want a dog, I suggest you do the same.

Okay. This post has been derailed completely. This was going somewhere other than I want a dog but yeah. What can I say to end this post? Hell, I don’t know. Um… Be my fan! I mean… Like me? Stupid Facebook. Like my blog! I will send you money* and muffins**!

*Probably not
**If I’m not giving you my money, why would I give you my muffins?