It's Just Abbey

I know what you are thinking. “But Abbey, it is Saturday!” Well, shove it up your pie hole because I do not conform to your reality! FACE. Okay, either that or yesterday was crazy busy between work and trying to get Hoppie all amped or his birthday. Uphill battle my friends.

Speaking of Hoppie! Welcome to another exciting installment of BFFridays (on a Saturday... Shut up!)

I am going to try something new for this profile in order to avoid me rambling on and on about our history together. It gets long and freakishly boring to read. Believe me. I love our back story and even I got winded proof reading the first attempt at this blog. So, I will be doing it a little different.

Quick scene set up. This was back when I was living with Twat Waffle and also going through the worlds dumbest break up. Hoppie was the best friend of a young squire that Phedre had taken a shine too. Therefore Hoppie and I were designated wingmen for our respective friends. This clip will help explain how our meeting went down:

The Genie would be me. Crazy, talks too fast, and lives in a lamp. Aladdin is Hoppie. Clever, tricky and has amazing pecs. Done. That was the summer of 2007. We met and became inseparable. We went on adventures together, we witnessed the growth and decline of our friends’ relationship, and then banished a surly old dude to confinement.

That paragraph was 61 words. I had a LiveJournal looking post last week that was at the brink of 1500. Yikes.

SO! Hoppie and I have been dating since 2007. What does that mean? That means the boy has endurance. Most people can barely listen to me talk for 10 straight minutes and he has been dating me for damn near 3 years. He is a computer nerd to his nerdy little core. He fixes computers and builds awesome websites. He is the king of button mashing leading to numerous fights when he accidentally beats me in fighting games. I cart him around to most of my races because, other than the Beer Bottle Open incident, he is a great camera man.

He likes fast cars and faster processors. He likes his women like he likes his coffee. In a plastic cup.

I will tell a few small stories just so you can understand our relationship.

-Before we started officially dating he once lifted a queensize mattress with no struggle whatsoever and carried it away like he was carrying a blanket. Phedre’s jaw just hit the floor. Considering my last boyfriend threw his back out lifting a computer monitor… We could both appreciate acts of utter manliness.

-During our first real spat (read: I was mad, he was panicking) he blurted out: “I am freaking addicted to your ass.” I started laughing too hard to be mad anymore. And let me clarify, Your Ass =/= My Ass. Your Ass = Me.

-The moment I realized he was my penguin was one day we were sitting around chatting and I rambled out loud, “He should be careful. You can only get punched in the nose so many times before you die… Wait, or maybe that’s drinking your own urine. I forget.” To this day I have never seen him laugh that hard.

-Our longest running joke is that since we both have so many physical ailments, like my stomach from hell, if we ever reproduce our children will be jellyfish.

Occupation: Tire tossing engineer
Hobbies: Building computers, fixing computers, destroying computers, buying presents for his girlfriend, tormenting his girlfriend when she says things like HYPERBOWL, playing with his car.
Location: Ohio Ohio Ohio
Favorite TV shows: South Park, How I Met Your Mother, and Psych
Favorite Drink: A cold one. What kind of cold one? Depends on the day. Usually that means Dr Pepper.
Car: A Jeep of Doom and an Acura of Vroom
Favorite thing ever: His Eve account he just acquired. I was going to answer “me” but I can’t say that with a straight face. Damn you Eve!
Proudest moment in life: I’m legally not allowed to say but it involves a wombat, a tube sock and preseason tickets to see the New York Jets.

Hoppie’s code name derives from his longtime used internet handle. That’s it. Nothing special. BOOOORING! I can’t be creative all the time! What do you people want from me?! I would tell you more but there are far too many stories to tell about him and not nearly enough internet space to fit it all. Three years piles up a lot of fun anecdotes about camping, road trips, family dilemmas, and long arguments about the pronunciation of words. I can imagine married people could write books about their lives. (They are called autobiographies, Abbey...)

Anywho, that's it for Hoppie. He is around me all the time so you won't be lacking in Hoppie stories at all. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend kiddies and btw, if you haven’t already BE MY FAN! See you all Monday! New Dueling Books next week! I know you are excited! I AM!

(This weekend I will spend the hours thinking about how to stop overusing exclamation points. F Scott Fitzgerald did say, “Cut out all those exclamation marks. An exclamation mark is like laughing at your own jokes.” Although who am I kidding. I ALWAYS laugh at my own jokes. I’m hysterical.)