It's Just Abbey

Hey Internet. This was me.

I was just a lonely kid with no real friends. I couldn't keep up with all the hottest styles and fashions. For God's sake look at that hair! Hello? 1980 called and they want there bangs back! I was lost and left to wander the planet never to be noticed by anyone ever again.

But one day I was flipping through the channels on my beanbag chair eating Cheetos. I happened to stop on the channel that changed my life. A commercial ran for the greatest product ever made!

My answers all were in Bumpits! The magic invention that would help me become the trend setting diva that I always wanted to be! With no fuss I could add lift to my hair and people would turn and ask, "Who is that star?" and their friends will reply, "I think she's in a movie with Matt Damon!"

So I got a set of my very own miracle bump makers! I rushed home to try them out. After a few hours of serious struggle and getting the itty bitty Bumpit lost in my hair for a substantial amount of time, I finally got one to stay. And damn I looked popular. I looked hip. By george I looked NOW!

Thank you Bumpits! I can now walk out of my apartment with confidence! I can look at the world and the world will look back and quake because I am now a force to be reckoned with! Who cares that they are impossible to function and should be considered a concealed weapon? Who cares that you can clearly see when them in use? Since acquiring this wonderful invention I have gotten a new job, a new car, I've won the lottery TWICE and I am getting married next Saturday! I couldn't be happier and it is because now I look awesome, therefore I am awesome.

ETA: Check it out! I've been discovered! Thank you Bumpits!