It's Just Abbey

Pardon this blog if it is a little incoherent because I just got finished with an hour and a half chat with Brown that started with “OMG tea party people are NUTS!” and it finished at “Who the fuck thinks that the new trilogy of Star Wars is preferable over the original?!” It got a little heated because if I have one nerve, it is people who like the new Star Wars movies.

Midichlorians. Conversation over.

But that is a blog for another day (or a 5 part series and a documentary) Today is about cake decorating! YAY!

Now this was my second time playing with royal icing. It was no more fun than last time. If anything, it was worse. Lemme explain.

First, we had to make color flow icing. To do this you have an icing that is pretty solid. You then trace an image you want to create. Then you add water to your icing to make it all runny and gooey. After your outline is dry you pour in your liquid icing. After a few days of drying you are left with an edible butterfly, squirrel or whatever you created. They are flat and hard sugar treats. Homemade decorations. Awesome.

Well, my mom and I had serious issues. Between our crack addict shaking and our ability to spill liquid icing EVERYWHERE we were a mess. You could give toddlers paints and tell them they could paint on anything in the house except paper and they would make less of a mess than we did. Needless to say we probably won’t be using the things we decorated. They are weird orange and green monstrosities with drips and drops all over them. Again, Duff, Charm City Cakes will have to survive a little longer without us.

Then we moved onto royal icing flowers. This class we were making violets and cherry blossoms. We struggled with the icing we made because it was too watery. UG! My mixer had sounded like it would die any moment so I added more water. MIIIISTAAAKE! The flowers I would make just looked like blobs. They would look like a flower for a second then eat itself into a round ball of goo. So I sat there for most of the class adding some properly made royal icing and powdered sugar to ours. I was trying to make it harder!

That’s what she—NO ABBEY. That was last week!

So after a while, and a broken hand, we finally got some working icing and made some flowers. I saved anything that looked decent but my mom was convinced she could do better so she is making hers at home. I have little hope in my abilities so anything worth a damn then you can bet your ass I saved. But I had one issue.

Is it just me or do these flowers look the same? Almost exactly the same?

Besides the dots and the color… the same right? I don’t know. I bet once they are all piled onto a cake they will look better but I just keep scrutinizing them and making them self conscious. Bah. Stupid flowers. I kinda just wanna keep making clowns. I’m not a real flowery person so I am not a huge fan of the final cake we will be making. Let’s be honest. In the span of my life there is a greater chance of me needing a Boba Fett cake over me needing a garden party cake. I mean, let’s just be serious.

I should really start a nerd cake decorating class. I mean, I will need to know how to make nerdy things when I make my Legend of Zelda wedding cake. Right? Right.

Next week we are making even more flowers but we are returning to roses. I am excited for those! I love making roses. They are so much more fun and interesting looking. Plus, if I add violets to a cake who is going to be impressed? No one. If I add roses who will be impressed? Everyone. Why? If your boyfriend shows up with violets will you care? No. Because you are cold, heartless bitch. If he has roses? You are putty in his hands. Roses have magical powers. True story.

Anyway, I have a love/hate relationship with royal icing. I love it because it is something you can save for later. I hate it because it gives me hand cramps. I am a knitter for Pete’s sake, I don’t get hand cramps!

So next week, stay tuned for the 5 other flowers I will be learning to make. I will warn you now, it will probably sound like this, “OMFG, I HATE FLOWERS!!!!” You’ve been warned.

Side note of happy: I bought a cuppiecake decorating book. (God, I am going to get SO fat…) I know the first thing I am going to make and it is called TV Dinner CupCakes.

Bam.

You so want those now don’t you? One of the few things that make me happier than usual is food that looks like other food. A cupcake that looks like an ear of corn? Sold.

Stay tuned tomorrow for my next installment of BFFridays where I will be profiling Hoppie. It may or may not be riddled with rainbows and hugs. Depends on how I am feeling. Hell, he could piss me off between now and then. The post will then be entitles, “6 Great Places to Bury a Body.”