It's Just Abbey

I’ve always had really weird and sometimes oddly specific dreams. There are mornings I wake up knowing I had a strange dream but can’t remember a detail. Then there are mornings that I wake up and remember everything. Someone once suggested I get a dream journal to keep my drugged out dreams in but I fear someone will find it and I will spend my days in a happy padded room.

I say this because I had two dreams this week that I can recall to the T-shirts people were wearing and the sound of their voice. Last night I had a crazy intense dream that I was part of a Nobel Prize winning team of scientists that discovered the cure to cancer. We were all pretty pumped. I was excited because my team included Andrew Lee Potts. Who is Andrew Lee Potts? Oh you…

As we were accepting our Nobel Prize in a very MTV Movie Awards kind of scene SOMETHING WENT TERRIBLY WRONG! Half the room disappeared and the rest of the room turned into a mall. Andrew Lee Potts and I were the only ones who noticed the change.

But that’s not all! All the marine life was gone too and we were the only ones who knew what sharks and jelly fish were! We had to solve this mystery! Andrew Lee Potts and I did what any sensible crime fighting team would do… We went to the leather store to buy crime fighting trench coats. Duh.

As we were being fitted for our custom jackets it became obvious that the little old lady who ran the shop was looking to kill us and eat us! OH NO!

Then I woke up. Okay, damn. I was really looking forward to that story arc. Crazy American chick and wacky British sidekick in slammin’ trench coats! Or would I be the side kick? So many questions unanswered! Ug, moving on...

Well the next dream actually made my life a living hell for a day. Why? Let me explain.

Yesterday, Hoppie and I celebrated our 3 year anniversary. Hooray! I was so excited because we were going to Famous Dave’s and eating our weight in ribs and cornbread. Yes. Yes. YES!

I spent the weeks leading up to our special day texting Hoppie about how excited I was for ribs and diamonds. Diamonds? Yeah, diamonds. This is something I’ve done for every holiday. Mostly because who would buy me a diamond for Easter? It’s just funny to tease and it gives me something to do. So I continued my rich tradition of pretending to be a shallow bint. DIAMONDS!

Well the night before, I cracked. I fell asleep and had a dream that while at Famous Dave’s and while my hands were caked in BBQ sauce Hoppie proposed and thrust a freakishly huge diamond on my finger. Oh, it was so classy and just like I always pictured it... Yeah.

I woke up laughing and thinking I should tell him how hilarious that dream was. Well, that was when the insanity kicked in. What if I am a powerful psychic? What if that was really the plan for the day? Was Hoppie secretly rich but also lacking any romance? OH GOD.

I grabbed my little gift and headed to meet him at his house. As I reached for the doorknob the door swung open and there was Hoppie in his nicest shirt and shoes. He was wearing his fancy watch and exclaimed, “It’s about time!” Standing there surprisingly underdressed in a Tshirt and jeans I started to panic. There on the table was the most adorable teddy bear and he was holding red roses.

WAS THE RING IT THE ROSE?! OH GOD!

Breathe Abbey. The bear was just a bear holding roses. Nothing to flip out about, girl. Calm down. It was just a dream.

So I clutched the bear and we got into his car to head out for ribs. We got there after a while (and getting lost) and I bounced in blabbering about how weird it was that a pig was holding a cooked slab of ribs. We got into our little booth and ordered big beers and big food.

“You look bored.”

“What? I’m not bored.”

“Here.”

There is was sitting in front of me. A gold box with a gold bow and a jewelry store logo on it.

Ummmm…

Enter the 10 seconds of thought while I tore into the box.

Okay. It’s too big to be a ring. He wouldn’t just hand me a ring. There would be a speech. Would there be? Hoppie’s not really a speech guy. But he is traditional right? He'd be on his knee! Is he on his knee? No. What a jerk! IT WAS JUST A DREAM! Too big to be a ring box. He didn’t wrap this. No. This was special wrapped. Why would he special wrap something not a ring. OH GOD! There are so many layers! What if there is a box in a box in a box in a box in box with a ring! Isn’t this how that works? Unsuspecting girl? Box with a ring? OH GOD!

Okay, no one freak out. It was a bracelet. A very gorgeous bracelet that was gold and actually had diamonds in it. My boyfriend has wonderful taste in jewelry.

First of all, it wasn’t a ring. YAY! Why yay? Because now I can keep complaining about my engaged/married friends without being a hypocrite. (Seriously guys, it is insanity!) Second, there has to be a pill to deal with this kind of psychosis. Third, he managed to get that golden box into the restaurant without me noticing. Damn that pig holding ribs! You distracted me! Fourth, I have magical powers. My dream was a little off but I did get jewelry! And a teddy bear that I named Butch Coolidge because he has a cute pot belly. Score.

I ended up telling Hoppie about the dream and he reassured me that he was classy enough to at least propose to me in a place that didn’t say, “Here the 3 little pigs aren’t a nursery rhyme, they’re the appetizer!”

And also, if you were actually thinking I got engaged I'll give you a little tip. Posts like that will be on CAPS LOCK FOREVER! Besides, I can't weave stories and make words work when I get excited. You'll know. :)