It's Just Abbey

I just finished a date night with Hoppie and we went to see a movie. What movie? Who cares. What I want to talk about is the movie Letters to Juliet.

Jesus tap-dancing Christ.

For those of you who don’t know what movie I am talking about, here is the preview.

Are we all up to speed? Okay. Let me tell you some of the glaring flaws in this seemingly airtight blockbuster.

First of all, I will never see this movie. Why? Because you know exactly what will happen! No. Seriously. There is no way around it. “Hey! I am going to a strange land away from my significant other who I am already having issues with! Then I am going to go carting around with a brooding, uninterested member of the opposite sex and the realize that he/she is everything I have ever wanted! TRUE LOVE BITCHES!” Can we please stop making these movies? We are running out of “exotic” countries to run away too. And where is the girl venturing to Canada only to find herself in love with a Mountie? Or did Dudley Do-Right ruin it for Canada?

If your mind went straight to Brendan Fraser and NOT Rocky and Bullwinkle you are no longer welcome at my blog. Please get your coat and see yourself out. Thank you.

Second. The next person who calls Romeo and Juliet the greatest love story ever told is getting dragon punched. Hard. It is a tragedy. Plain and simple. Comparing your romance to Romeo and Juliet is a BAD THING. Unless of course you two have a suicide pact then by all means, you kids go nuts. Did everyone fail English class or was I the only one awake during that lecture?

Synopsis: Family A has a kid. Family B has a kid. Both families hate each other. Kid A and B love each other. Their love is forbidden. Kid A fakes her death to get attention. Kid B kills Paris. Kid B kills himself. Kid A realizes that this plan was too Saved by the Bell and kills herself in grief.

The End. There is no secret meaning. There is nothing to see between the lines. This is a sad story. Depressing really. Why did Paris have to die? Can someone please explain that to me? And why does no one else but me feel terrible about the death of Paris? Killing in cold blood isn't worth talking about? I’m getting of track. Okay, look at it this way.

Tony and Mia are in super love with each other but she goes to school in Ohio State and he is a Wolverine. Mia fakes her death for some reason, Tony randomly kills some dude at the funeral in grief then shoots himself in the face. Mia realizes this plan was bogus, mourns Tony then shoots herself in the face, too. Which headline is more likely?

Are we clear internet? Are we clear Taylor Swift? Romeo and Juliet is a tragedy. Plain and simple.

Now I actually researched this whole wall people write letters to Juliet thing because I really thought it was fake. I was wrong and it is very real. Now, I am seeing that people mostly put up love letters and what not. Cool. Whatever. The movie trailer claims it is to ask Juliet some questions. I’m not sure I want to hear her responses. She would be the worst Dear Abby writer ever.

Dear Juliet,
I am concerned my boyfriend doesn’t love me enough. What do I do?
-Confused and Talking to a Wall

Dear Confused,
Fake your death. If he only comes to mourn your death, bounce him. Player isn’t in it for real. If he cannot live in a world without you and attempts to kill himself, he is in love with you. Just make sure you stop him before he kills himself. Fool me once…

The Wiki page had this gem in it: "It is also a tradition to put small love letters on the walls (which is done by the thousands each year), which are however regularly taken down by employees to keep the courtyard clean." Let's all take a moment to soak up that fun amount of reality. Oh yeah! Immortalized love! Whelp, until it gets too cluttered then it is off to the land fill with your special feelings!

I don’t know. Maybe I am just reading it wrong but I still think that everyone dying Reservoir Dogs style at the end is a bad thing. Oh but look. The families stopped their feuding! Well la di freaking da. Where was this haphazard throwing away of grudges when your children were ALIVE? Dumbasses. It is all fun and games until someone mistakes sleeping potion for death…