It's Just Abbey

I love my hair. I just want you all to know that. Not all the time. Some mornings I put aside the comb and ties. I just go straight to the chair and whip. I won’t lie; I never wake up and just say, “Ta da!” and it is gorgeous. This ain’t roll outta bed perfect hair. But I have had a pretty great relationship with my hair. We get along most days and that is really what I am looking for in a head of hair these days.

As I grew up my dad threatened people’s lives if they so much as trimmed my hair. I had Rapunzel hair that he would put in braided pigtails that were looped in what we called Dog Ears. I am currently growing my hair out to be able to do that one more time in my life. All hail the reigning queen of nostalgia!

In eighth grade I got a perm. Okay, that wasn’t the greatest time period. Ever wonder if you want a perm? YOU DON’T!

Through high school I had long crazy hippie hair I refused to blow dry most of the time and just showed up to school with it still dripping from the morning shower. Popularity was just out of reach for some reason…

After high school I whacked it all off and donate it to Locks of Love because I am good person. For a while I kept it short and spunky. Then I got bored and grew it out again. In the first few months of dating Hoppie I woke up and wanted it all whacked off again. It was to the small of my back and platinum blonde. I was in the salon within hours to the horror of the stylist. She made sure I wasn’t drunk, high or insane before she even touched it. I went from Avril to Pink in under an hour. She was so concerned I was going to cry or flip out. I was cool as a cucumber. Apparently cutting 13.5 inches of hair just didn't phase me. My crazies ebb and flow in a strange way. I have been growing it out ever since.

End Abbey’s hair history lesson.

Fast forward to this February and I am in Oklahoma. My mom and I were in a Wal Mart and the cashier had adorable hair. So much so that my mom kept pointing and whispering at me. “How do I do that to my hair? I want my bangs to look that! How does she do that?” Hell if I know woman! So in true Abbey fashion I awkwardly blurted out, “I love your hair. How do you make your bangs flip like there? My mom is DYING to know!”

She kinda got freaked out by that and muttered something about using Mane N Tail in her hair to make it thick.

CURIOSITY!

Mane N Tail is horse shampoo to make their, well, mane and tails look pretty. Some horse groomer thought to themselves, “Whelp! Daffodil sure does look majestic! Must be the shampoo!” and went ahead and used it on her/himself. Turns out, it didn’t kill them or cause them to start counting with their foot. This product is tested on animals. Tested on animals all the way to the bank!

I managed to go until this evening without testing it out. I finally cracked and went to the store to buy myself horse shampoo. I really think my hair would look stellar if it looked like a horse tail. I could braid it, brush it, and lift it up when I poo! There is nothing wrong with this plan.

Why am I telling you all this? Because I know what all lengths of hair is like. I know short I know long. You know what I know about long hair? It sure is hard to brush. Take your arm and reach over your shoulder. How long is your bush? You can maybe get between your shoulders. You can’t pull the hair up front. Nope. WAY too heavy! What are you to do? Human range of motion is so limited!

NEVER FEAR! BEHOLD!

I started laughing it this. It probably works great but honestly how hard is combing long hair? “Ergonomic handle makes combing easy on the hand and helps reduce fatigue.” Gee whiz guys, I would come out tonight but I am so tired from combing my hair. Plus I am pretty sure I dislocated my arm.

Yes I bought it and yes I tried it. Awkward! It is so weird to use. You know what it is excellent for? Back scratcher. Oh wow. It just reaches all the right places. I have used actual things made for back scratching and they suck. This comb on a handle is awesome. Now that I think about it I can reach the top of Hoppie’s head! Now I can brush his hair while standing. This comb solves all my problems.

Itchy back? Boyfriend to tall with unruly, curly hair? Well do we have the comb for you!!

So I am ready to get super long, fabulous hair super fast and now I have a comb! I wonder how fast my hair will grow. Hmmm… Oh boy. Here is the part where I wake up and look like Cousin It and will never see sunlight again! NEAT!

Thus concludes another thrilling edition of Abbey’s Anecdotes!