It's Just Abbey

So yesterday was a nice rainy day inside. I spent the day chill-axing in front of the computer as I tend to do (no matter what the weather is) and I stumbled upon this picture.

Let's take a poll. Who is currently sitting at their computer like that? Hmmm? Wow. No one raised their hands. Awesome. And look at that guy. He looks so uptight and serious. I can tell you what that guy isn't doing and that is trolling 4chan or porn sites. No one can properly troll the web sitting that straight! No one can casually work on homework that was due yesterday in that position either.

Being disgusted with that picture I drew my own.

Two things. First, I don't want to hear it about the desk. I spent WAY too long trying to get the perspective right and finally gave up. Really wish I would have paid more attention in art class. Abstract art! Yes. Okay, second point. Anyone who knows me for real may think this picture resembles someone I may know. To that I say, I have no idea what you are talking about. TA DA!

I was going to add my rules to the picture but this way is easier and doesn't cover up my sheer artistic genius! Here we go:

- Who wears pants at the computer?! No one worth knowing, that's who.

- While you may not be wearing pants, wear a shirt. It gets cold and pants are for squares.

- Slouching is key. Have you ever tried to sit up straight for hours at a time? It is exhausting. Slouching is comfy! Everyone is so concerned about keeping things the same. Sure, we all stood up straight in the 1970s and the ozone used to be solid. Sometimes things just get old! Let this happen. My generation will grow up to be leather faced, botox laden, hunchbacks who aren't 100% sure what a polar bear is. Slouch and be merry!

- Who needs a foot rest? Stretch one leg and keep one bent. Not only does this help your perfect slouching position it is also a great way to keep your muscles working. After an hour switch legs. Who says we aren't active enough?

- While not illustrated, be sure to have all the lights off and let the monitor be your only source of light. That pasty, blueish pale color a real computer geek acquires stems from sitting in darkness and basking in monitor glow.

- Elbows bent at 90 degrees? That will really hurt your shoulders if you are slouched properly. Don't do it.

- Another thing no illustrated is where to keep your work. Who has something that attaches to your monitor? That sounds like a lot of morons putting magnets on their computers and being very confused with the outcome. No. All your work should be scattered and flat on the desk. This was not drawn in because no one would have been able to see the correct posture or anything else in the picture. Clutter is also another great way to keep the mind and body busy. Looking for something? Chances are you have no idea where it is and will spend a while looking for it. Activity. Boom.

So there you have it kids. That is how you sit at a computer. It isn't even something you need to think about because chances are you are already sitting like that. So don't listen to people tell you about sore backs, aching muscles and whatever the hell "ergonomic" means. You can tell those people to stop being such worry warts and just be happy. Yay slouching!