It's Just Abbey

I love when Apple comes out with a new product. Correction. I love it when Apple thinks about coming out with a new product. They don't even have to say they are doing anything and everyone starts freaking out. Its like the Cold War and we are trying to figure out if they have a bomb. Or a simpler analogy, its like Apple is Jennifer Aniston and we all are trying to decide if that pooch is a baby bump or too many trips to Taco Bell.

So here we are. Apple may or may not be coming out with a new tablet. Now what? Well that's simple. People come out of the woodwork saying that they are top analysts and making predictions about anything they can think of. They claim to have anonymous sources which really means, “Wouldn't it be cool if..?”

I operate under the theory that Apple never comes up with ideas on their own. They wait to see what the masses predict they are making, then make it. Its truly an ingenious way to operate. Hell, Apple has a fan base almost as insane as your average Twilight fan. Its just crazy enough to work!

So these “analysts” are really just doing the grunt work for Apple's development team and giving the middle finger to the design team “They want how much storage space in how big of a case?!”

So I wanna throw my hat into the ring here. These are my “predictions” about Apple's new tablet. Analyst Abbey at your service!

Its going to be affordable!
Yes Apple will be releasing an affordable computer for the everyman in a current recession. Call me crazy but my anonymous source swears its true! It'll be at least $500 but no more than $600.

It won't be an enormous iPhone!
My anonymous source has reason to believe that Apple knows that if you wanted an iPhone, you would buy an iPhone. Why would they just piggyback an already awesome idea into a different medium. Its not like they already did that with the iPod... oh wait.

It won't be too delicate!
If Apple knows one thing its that durability is key. No one wants something shiny and geek friendly if it can't be dropped one or seven times. So they are going to produce a tablet that doesn't look like its an upgraded Fabergé egg. This tablet will be made for tablet travel. A few bumps, drops and squashes won't even phase it.

It won't double as a level!
This one speaks for itself.

It will grow arms and legs over time and demand blood sacrifices!
You knew that one though right? I don't need an anonymous source to give you that info. Every Apply product already does this. Although the rumor mill is buzzing with talk of the tablet having a tail!

The first version of these tablets won't be crap.
Apple has learned their lesson from the iPhone debacle. They will not put out a product until it is up to the standards they want. Plus Apple knows thousands of angry, broke nerds will burn their homes and hunt their families if they are forced spend $500 to replace a tablet they bought a month ago. That's unpleasant for everyone. Plus handing out rebate checks is the government's thing and no one wants to be compare to the government.

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So there it is, Internet. Those are my educated predictions of what Apple will be making to be released in the next 2-9 months. Now to simply sit back, watch and wait while the minds at Apple sort out these predictions and select the best product to produce. Just remember, when you get your Apple Tablet and it is affordable, completely different from the iPhone and can withstand being run over by a convoy of Best Buy trucks, I designed it predicted it.