It's Just Abbey

Yesterday my work place issued out happy green, reusable shopping bags. Go green and all that jazz. Can I tell you how much I love reusable shopping bags? A lot. They are awesome. I haven’t become the person who carts in 50 bags for her weekly shopping yet… Usually I only bring in about one or two otherwise I feel like a dork. I’m here with all my bags!! LET’S SHOP! YAY ENVIRONMENT!

So I took my bag shopping immediately after work. I had to test it. You know, for science. At the cashier I flipped open my bag to put in my giant box of corndogs and something fell out. I looked down to see that a small black case had hit the ground. Curious. I picked it up. Oh! Free glasses!

Wait what?

Let’s review. Strange glasses fell out of my free bag. Not sunglasses. They were reading glasses. Bifocals. Seeing specs. I checked out and started walking home. Okay. So I found free glasses. What to do?

First. Put the glasses on. Why? Science. CSI investigation. How blind is the person who lost these? I walked most of the way back wearing them and looking at things. I made a mental note to take some Advil when I got home.

Second. Freak out because HOW DID THESE GET IN MY BAG!? Okay, breathe Abbey. What do you know? You got the bag from your boss. Are they his? No. He was wearing his glasses all day so they weren't his. Could my coworker have switched bags with me? No. He wears glasses of a different shape. Not these. There was only one clear answer. They were evidence to a murder and they were planted on me in the store. Crap. Okay, no worries. You just found them… Oh no! And your prints are all over them and you are wearing them jackass! Take them off take them off take them off!

No one knows where they came from. No one was missing them and no clearly blind people were wandering around the workplace. This case is still open and due to my ADD probably on the fast track to a cold case.

What does that have to do with anything you ask? Because it is Earth Day everyone!

I know it is late but there is still time to do something for mother Earth. What can you do, you ask?

Stand up. Walk outside to the nearest grassy area. Lay down on your belly with your arms straight out to your sides. Give this big ball of dirt a hug. A big freaking bear hug. But not a Short Faced Bear hug because they are extinct!

Not willing to crawl in the dirt and love your gravity giver? Watch the Lorax.

What is the Lorax? Oh sweet readers, I am glad you aren’t talking to me face to face because if you had asked me that face to face I would have decked you. Right in the throat.

The Lorax is a classic tale by Dr Seuss. Short synopsis:

The world was awesome and lush. Then Satan moves in and starts tearing it all down for the sake of capitalism! The Lorax, a small bro with a killer 'stache says, “Hey dude. Knock it off.” Satan says no. Rinse repeat. Then due to the ignorance and pride of arms with no faces, the world was dead. Unless (spoiler alert) something changes. Dot dot dot!

Watch it and be merry ------> HERE!

When I watched it today I thought about it and decided that Steve Jobs is the Once-ler and a Thneed is an iPad. Don’t believe me?!

EVIDENCE!

Case. Closed. Happy Earth Day hippies!