It's Just Abbey

Everyone hates giving to charity right? Right.

Wait, what? No. Giving to charity rocks! Why? Because it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside because you did something for your fellow man. When they cure cancer, I’ll know I helped. Warm and fuzzy all over.

But you know what does suck about giving to charity? Guilt money. You know what I mean. When you are at the store trying to budget $30 worth of groceries to last a whole week and the cashier asks, “Would you like to donate a dollar to children born without arms and will never know the joy of giving another person a hug?” Throw away that Ramen, Abbey feels sad. Here is a dollar.

Or the worst and most common scenario. You finally find a parking space in the back of the lot. You wrap your scarf around your head and make a mad dash for the door. Just before you get inside to the glorious heat you hear it. The bell. That lone bell in the silence of the snow. You look. There she is. Standing next to a red bucket slowly waving her bell. She is all bundled up and all you can see are her eyes. Her pain ridden eyes begging for a dollar. Why? That dollar isn’t for her is it? No. It is the Salvation Army buckets. But giving her that dollar, or spare change will make her not want to kill herself for signing up to ring a charity bell. Ugh! Here’s some money! Buy some hot chocolate!

That isn’t warm and fuzzy charity. That is the kind of charity you know won’t call you in the morning. You didn’t respect it and it didn’t respect you. But you know what does give you that pure love sensation?

Interactive donation.

If you want me to donate $20 to Kids Without Midichlorians I would just walk away. Boring. If you want me to participate in a pie eating contest for $20 measly dollars and all entry fees go directly to Kids Without Midichlorians then sign me the hell up and get me an apple pie! STAT!

What does this have to do with anything?

Thursday text to Hoppie: “If I pay, will you wear heels, a Big Ben jersey, and walk a mile at the park?”

Response: “Sure.”

Let me explain. So, Saturday was the Walk a Mile in Her Shoes walk in our local park. It was hosted by the Open Arms Domestic Violence & Rape Crisis Services. It is just like it sounds like. Walking a mile in lady shoes. The tough men and boys of our community walked a mile in heels.

I didn’t know they would be providing shoes so I packed up in my car to go shopping for giant mountain man heels. I found them. 13 wide. They were sensible, three inch heels. I got him thick heels, not stilettos because I didn’t want to kill the poor boy. He was thankful I did this because the provided shoes were pointed toes and spiked heels. I can't even walk in those. I don't know how they did. Brave men.

The other part of that plan was for him to wear a Big Ben jersey. You know, as a statement. YEAH! I AM A GIRL WITH OPINIONS ABOUT THINGS!

But we backed out of the last part because even though Rothlisberger is a giant douche bag his jersey still costs full price. I may be a part time hippie but I am also a middle class 20 something. Eighty bucks for a jersey? NO SIR!

So we got to the race and signed Hoppie up. Guess what? We got a free reusable shopping bag.

Boom. Sure we donated money to help stop domestic/sexual violence and rape but is it wrong to be super jazzed about a ruby red reusable shopping bag? Yes. Bad Abbey. Sorry dad, I freaking love those bags! I’m a crazy bag carrying freak!

Let me brag a second. There were men who walked the mile. Hoppie ran. He. Ran. In. Heels. That’s right everyone! You are all wicked jealous and stunned. I know I was. What can I say? He is fabulous.

It was a great event and a wonderful day. I know everyone was proud and I for one think it should have had more in the local paper than just a little picture and a caption. Getting the facts out is the first step, right?

Okay. Serious time guys.

• Every 2 minutes, someone in the U S, is sexually assaulted
• 1 in 4 girls will be sexually assaulted by the age of 18
• 1 in 6 women have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime
• 15 % of sexual assault and rape victims are under age 12

Grossed out? Me too. If there is a Walk a Mile in your area do it. Support your local rape crisis center. Where does the money go? I’m not honestly sure but if I were in charge I would get all that money and buy a baseball bat. Then I would use the remaining money to drive around the country breaking the knee caps of any and all rapists and abusers. You are all a bunch of sick bastards.

This blog started out so happy and lighthearted. Researching those facts just made me mad so in efforts to make the ending of this blog less rage filled, here is a tiny kitty:

Want to know more?
The Walk A Mile In Her Shoes Homepage